If Famous Writers had Written Twilight

bookriot:

You’re welcome.

Friggin’ hilarious. The top comment (by a user named “unicycle”) after the article is funny, too: Dr Seuss’ version of Twilight, which goes as follows:

Jake likes a girl. Her name is Bella.
Bella likes a different fella.

See this vamp? This is Ed.
Ed is pale. Ed is dead.

Ed saved Bella from a van.
Ed must be a special man.

Ed won’t kill boys. He won’t kill girls.
Ed gets fed on deer and squirrels.

This is James. He’s a tracker.
He’s a sort of vamp attacker.

James hunts Bella for a thrill.
Will Ed kill him? Yes, he will.

But James gave her a little bite.
Will she be a vamp? She might!

Edward fixes Bella’s cut.
She won’t be a vampire. But…

She becomes one. Read some more.
She’s a vampire in book 4.

(via monsieurantichrist)